Common Myths About Domestic Abuse

Myth victims of domestic violence are uneducated, poor, and/or from cultural minority groups.
Reality Domestic violence does not discriminate, and affects people from all socio-economic strata, education levels and cultural origins.

Myth victims look like victims, often bruised or cut, and are easily identified.
Reality Physically battered women might not be assaulted everyday, or even often. When bruised or otherwise marked by violence, many times a victim will try to hide the physical signals of violence. It is difficult to know who among us is a victim of domestic abuse.

Myth A victim of domestic abuse has low self-esteem, doesn't feel she deserves better and is attracted to abusers.
Reality Systematic abuse chips away at a victim's self-esteem. It is one of the goals of an abuser to bring the victim down through multiple control strategies. victims can be highly successful in many aspects of life before - and even during - a relationship with an abuser.

Myth Domestic violence doesn't affect me.
Reality Because of the devastating damage domestic violence causes - to women, men, children, communities - it affects everyone. The expenses of health care, community support services, the criminal justice system, and other resources are shared by everyone through higher costs, taxes and charitable contributions necessary to keep services available to victims and their children.

Myth Actual domestic abuse is rare and not many people experience it.
Reality Research suggests that one in four women can expect to experience intimate partner violence at some point in her life.

Myth People with religious affiliations or who participate in religious or faith-based organizations don't experience battering.
Reality Domestic violence is a reality that cuts across all religious or faith-based boundaries.

Myth Battering doesn't go on forever within a relationship; it will decrease over time.
Reality Domestic violence actually tends to escalate over time, and may be particularly lethal if a victim tries to leave an abuser.

Myth Domestic violence is not a crime.
Reality Domestic violence accounts for approximately 25 percent of all crime victims in Minnesota. Approximately one third of the women who are murdered in the United States are killed by a male intimate partner. Domestic violence can be charged as a misdemeanor, gross misdemeanor or felony, depending on the severity and other confounding factors.

Myth Domestic violence happens when someone loses their temper or is out of control.
Reality A batterer is absolutely in control, using multiple forms of abuse to manipulate and denigrate the victim. Abusers rarely are violent with other people in their lives, even those who might provoke them, which emphasizes their actual ability to "keep their temper" or stay in control. A batterer is selective, abusing a particular victim under particular circumstances with a particular outcome in mind - controlling the victim.

Myth Batterers can be identified by their appearance.
Reality There is no certain "look" to an abuser. Domestic abuse is not a product of anyone's economic, educational, social or other circumstance. Stereotypes about what "type" of person is a batterer reduces society's ability to recognize and respond appropriately to both abusers and victims.

Myth Domestic violence victims must get something out of being abused. If not, they would leave the relationship.
Reality No one asks for or deserves to be abused. Abuse victims stay in violent relationships for various reasons, and many lack or do not know how to access support resources. Some don't or are not allowed by their abuser to work or have access to money; some might not have a safe place to stay and are afraid their abuser will "hunt them down," or that their children will be harmed. In many cases, an abuser has convinced the victim that they are worthless and will never find another partner if the victim were to leave the relationship. Also, social, religious, cultural or family pressures may contribute to why a victim stays.

Myth Battered women are permanently damaged.
Reality With helpful intervention and support, healing can happen for abuse victims. Traumatic responses or behaviors are minimized in many cases just by separating from the abuser, the source of the trauma.

Myth Dependence, use, or abuse of alcohol or drugs can cause domestic violence.
Reality An abuser might blame alcohol or drugs for the violence, but chemical abuse itself is not a cause of violence. Many abusers have substance abuse issues, but there is little evidence of a direct connection between alcohol or drug abuse and domestic violence. Abusers can be intoxicated or sober, but more severe damage or injuries can occur when alcohol or drugs are involved.

Myth Men cannot be abused.
Reality Both heterosexual and homosexual men can be victims of abuse. The incidence of female-to-male abuse is significantly lower than male-to-female or homosexual partner abuse, but the power and control dynamics are similar across each relational dynamic. Men may be less likely to report abuse for fear of appearing weak, of being "outed" or otherwise being stigmatized.

Myth An abuse victim causes or provokes the violence.
Reality Abusers are abusers regardless of a victim's behavior, and are in control of their abusive actions. Blaming the victim for the abuse removes accountability for the violence from the one who is responsible for it - the abuser.

Myth Women are just as violent and abusive as men.
Reality Women are victimized approximately 10 times more often than men in domestic violence relationships. Female-to-male violence is often a result of victimization - in self-defense or while defending children.